As we get older, it becomes increasingly more difficult to find time for friends, for yourself, and everything in between.
Before I tell you about my take on adult friendships and how to balance social life and personal time in your 20s to stay healthy and sane, let’s take a trip down memory lane.
When we were kids, our friends were the people we went to school with or had after-school extracurriculars with. You’d go to the same place everyday and your best friends were automatically there, without having to plan beforehand or make any extra effort.
In elementary school, you can talk to the girl next to you and say “let’s be friends”, play in the playground a couple times and bam! You were best friends forever.
In middle school, you’d show up to class and start up conversations with the people around you. I personally met one of my best friends in choir in 7th grade, when I sat next to her on my first day. She so kindly taught me things about the class and then invited me to lunch! I then met a bunch of her friends (one of who is now my best friend as well) and ate lunch with them everyday. So simple!
In high school, you’re all a little bit older and you have a set group of friends that you have a group chat with and hang out with at school and on the weekends. But still, without even trying, you see them in the same place at the same place every. single. week.
I didn’t know back then that things would be different as we got older. My best friends and I went to different colleges, met new people, and everytime I wanted to see them or talk to them, we had to plan waaaay ahead of time.
Related Blog: 5 Easy and Affordable Ideas for a Cozy Night-In with Friends
Now, as a 26 year old “adult”, I know that adult friendships are different from friendships as kids. It takes mutual effort and even then, it’s hard to find the time. Never mind, trying to figure out how to balance social life and personal time.
Try combining that with all of the other things we’ve got going on with our lives:
Work, exercise, skincare, money for food, a healthy diet, a roof over our heads, bills, finances, investing, life insurance, retirement, hobbies, something creative for your mental health, therapy, family, dating, etc. etc. the list goes on and on.
So how do you balance all of that while staying healthy and sane?
My motto is: if you’re not happy and having fun, you’re losing at life.
But the question is how do you find that happiness and fun? I could go into talking about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and where you find that happiness, but honestly, I think it depends on who you are as a person and what your priorities are.
While I can’t speak for everyone, I want to share my personal thoughts on how I view social life and personal time, and why we struggle so much in finding the balance and figuring out our priorities.
Social Pressure and FOMO
Let’s start with this: FOMO is real. No matter what age we’re at, there’s going to be moments when you feel left out or wish you had experienced what your friends have.
And it’s totally normal to feel that way.
But the reality of adulthood is that we have to make the tough calls sometimes and think about what is best for us.
There’s social pressure to go out, the inner struggle of wondering what is best for you, and a whole to-do list of things you have to get done.
Need for Personal Care
In your 20s, you’re in a unique phase of your life where independence, career-building, and social pressures can all feel like they’re pulling you in different directions. It’s so easy to forget about taking care of yourself when you’re in a whirlwind of school, work, relationships, friendships, and just figuring out what the f*ck you’re doing.
It’s important to not only remember but proactively remind yourself that prioritizing self-care isn’t just a luxury – it’s a necessity for maintaining mental, emotional, and physical health. It really is the key to staying healthy and sane.
Physical Health
Maintaining your physical health doesn’t have to involve getting an expensive gym membership, buying organic food and going to pilates classes.
Physical care includes things like getting enough sleep, eating well, and getting at least a little bit of movement. It can also include things like skincare, which for me acts as a boost for both my physical AND mental health. Check out my guide to skincare for sensitive skin here.
Some of the things I personally do to get exercise in without having to spend too much money is:
- Going on walks with friends or alone
- Resistance band workouts at home
- Implementing a few core exercises in to your morning or evening routine
- Going to dance classes
A healthy mind supports a healthy mind, and neglecting your health could lead to burnout or long-term health issues in the future.
Mental and Emotional Health
There is so much stress that comes with being an adult. It can take a toll on your mental health and this is something that I have struggled with for YEARS.
Growing up, mental health wasn’t talked about much, and if I felt depressed or anxious, it would automatically be translated to “oh you’re just tired” or “don’t be sad”. I have been an advocate for mental health for a while now, and I have and always will care so much about my friends and family. But when it comes to taking care of myself, I wasn’t always all that good about it.
Taking time for mental health, whether it’s through a creative output, meditation, writing, spending time outdoors, or having a simple morning ritual to help keep you in check helps your mind relax a little bit and you’re able to manage emotions better.
Something I learned from a monk when I visited a Buddhist temple is that your mind, body and soul are like guitar strings. You have to loosen it up once in a while to get a clean, beautiful sound when it’s tight and tuned. We do this for our body with sleep, and for our minds with weekends and taking breaks from work.
But in order to loosen the strings of our soul, we need to consciously take the time to set aside quiet moments. This is because when we do this, we become our most vulnerable. So, we need the space and safety to let go, and I think everyone needs that.
Try to find what works for you, and implement it in your schedule at least once or twice a month.
Self-Reflection and Growth
Your 20s are a time of discovery, and it’s easy to get caught up in what others expect of you. Having personal time to reflect and plan out your goals and desires helps you make choices that align with who you are rather than what others think you should be.
Setting aside time for your physical and mental health as well as time to reflect is hard when you have work all day, hobbies, and people to meet up with.
Honestly, I think if we had to just do one or the other, it would make scheduling and decision making easier. But if, hypothetically, we did only choose self-care for example, our mental health and physical health would go to sh*t because we need the balance and we need people to support us and love.
That’s just part of human nature.
The question is, how much of your limited effort and time do you spend on your social life vs personal time?
Questions To Ask Yourself
To make this decision making process a little easier on myself, I made a 5 point checklist to go through whenever I’m struggling to make a decision. This is what I think about when trying to decide whether to go out with friends or stay at home and do something productive for myself:
1. How important is the friendship to me at that moment?
2. How important is the friendship to future me?
3. Do I need rest?
4. Am I actually going to be productive at home?
5. What is the activity we’re doing and is it something I would want to do, even if I were alone?
By asking myself these questions, it makes it easier to make a logical, intentional choice. And by making a logical, intentional choice, it makes it easier to ignore social pressure and avoid FOMO because you will have the peace of mind that you made that decision yourself.
Do you have other tactics to avoid FOMO and social pressure? I’d love to hear it – Leave it in the comments below!
How to Find a Balance
I have always said that balance is the key to everything. But to be honest, I’m still struggling to find a good balance between all the aspects of my life right now, and I don’t think it’s entirely possible to find the perfect balance ever.
But one advice I can tell you is this:
Listen to your body.
This is one of the most important things that I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older. Your body is a beautiful, complicated, sensitive machine of nerves and energy, and when it’s lacking in certain elements or is overstimulated, it will tell you.
Finding the balance between social life and personal time in your 20s is a constant, ongoing process, but we’re all in this together.
Growing up is a universal experience. As long as you’re doing your best, you’ll be fine.
With so much love,
The Caffeine Canvas
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